Category: Medicine
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Feeling it all
Am I the only one who has to take laps of the floor between patients every once in a while, focusing on my breathing and trying to recenter myself? Am I the only one who drives home with tears prickling my eyes after a difficult shift? Is anyone else trying to remind themselves, ‘I am…
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Bloom where you’re planted
Here we go again. Another set of applications, interviews, rank lists. Why must I do this to myself? As long as I can remember, I have been looking forward to the next step, the next chapter, whether that be in my personal or professional life. I think I am coming up on the end of…
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I need you
“I need to take a walk.” I walk briskly away from the workroom to do a lap of the floor, breathing deeply and trying to clear my head from the encounter I just had. “No problem,” my attending Dr. M replies, “I’ll be here if you need me!” I had just admitted C, a tween…
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In the blink of an eye
The night before I start my month as Heme-Onc senior, I am up tossing and turning for hours. I know it’s the anxiety about starting something new that’s preventing me from relaxing into precious sleep, but I can’t turn it off. It’s a routine I know well; this is how every rotation starts. What if…
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Sick: reflections on adolescence and my journey to well
I very vividly remember sitting in the children’s wing of the hospital, IV in my arm and wrapped in blankets waiting to be called back for my endoscopy. I’m sure I looked like the picture of health…or not. My mom was in the locker room putting on the disposable bunny suit so she could come…
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Dr. Nikki goes to camp
“Cabin 2 to Med Team.” I grab my walkie talkie off of my belt to respond. “Go for Med Team.” “My camper’s sugar is 66 and dropping,” the counselor on the other end relays. “I’m on my way, go ahead and give 4 glucose tabs.” I grab the red “Low bag” and zip up my…
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Senior scaries
Life update: It’s the last day of intern year. Dr. Nikki has come so, so far since that first day last June when I walked into the Heme-Onc workroom at 5:45am and started aimlessly reading charts. Don’t get me wrong, there is still a seemingly infinite amount of learning to be done. Just yesterday, I…
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Remind me why I’m doing this
Okay Nikki, more than halfway done. Just one more mile…now three more laps…imagine the finish line…come on, you’re basically there…DONE! “Hallelujah,” I pant to no one in particular, as I wipe the sweat off my face and try to bring down my heart rate. “What was I thinking?? Why would I voluntarily run 10 kilometers?…
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Ditching Imposter Syndrome
“OW!” I yanked out several more hairs than I meant to as I tried to pluck the silver strand that was glaringly obvious (to me at least) on the top of my head. “Man, how am I already gray, I’m not even 30!” I lamented. I ran my fingers through my hair and spotted several…
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Thank you, Doctor
I am standing in the stairwell of the hospital, watching dawn break over the trees through the windows from the 9th floor. It has been a crazy night on the pediatrics ward, but as the sky turns lighter I am reminded of how lucky I am to get to do what I do. Sure, I…
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